Conventional wisdom warns us not to judge a book by it's cover, but that's typically exactly how I choose my reading material. A visually arresting cover or a good blurb on the back are a must. Luckily, Little Bee had the former and just enough of the latter to catch my interest.
The back basically tells you "we aren't going to tell you much about this book because we don't want to spoil the surprise, but trust us that you'll like it". That, to me, is a dangerous sales tactic because it sets you up for disappointment if the story isn't up to the hype, but in this case they were absolutely right.
All I knew was that the book deals with the repercussions of a chance meeting in Nigeria between an English woman and a Nigerian girl. I had a guess at their relationship before I started reading, and I was dead wrong. The story was much more--and much more powerful--than i had imagined. Like the back cover of the book, I'm left with telling you that I don't want to spoil it by giving out too much information about the plot.
Working first back in time and then forwards, the story is told in chapters that alternate between the two women's voices. The male author did a pitch-perfect job writing for his female characters. It's probably the best I've read of a male writer narrating through his female characters since Wally Lamb's She's Come Undone. It's a powerful story with well-written characters and a very engaging plot. I bought the book Wednesday night and finished it Thursday morning. I just couldn't put it down. Even now, several days later, the characters are still with me. Definitely worth reading.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Book review: This is Where I Leave You
I read this book last year and then reread it so that I could blog about it. I was starting to notice that most of the books I review here are books I wasn't crazy about. I think that's because it's so much easier to talk about what you don't like than what you do...but I'm going to try with this one.
Judd Foxman is still reeling from his wife's affair with his Howard Stern-ish boss when his father passes away from cancer. Despite the fact that his father was a dedicated atheist,
his last wish was that the family would sit shiva for 7 days. This is no small request of a family that tolerates each other best in small doses, and issues most certainly arise. In the midst of the Foxmans' typical -- and atypical -- sibling drama, Judd's soon-to-be-ex-wife arrives with an announcement that further throws him for a loop.
Sounds like a laugh a minute, right? And yet, this book is hilarious. I was reading sections aloud to my husband in the first five pages. From Judd's discovery of his wife's adultery to their mother's wildly inappropriate conversational topics to his efforts to defuse the good-intentioned matchmaking of shiva callers with eligible daughters to the family's attendance at temple, there are some laugh out loud moments. At the same time, it's really a touching book and a great look at their complicated family dynamics. I won't tell you how it ends, but I can tell you that, like in real life, there's always more to the story than the characters see from their side of the conflict.
Well worth reading. And of course, if you do read it, come back and tell me what you thought.
Judd Foxman is still reeling from his wife's affair with his Howard Stern-ish boss when his father passes away from cancer. Despite the fact that his father was a dedicated atheist,
his last wish was that the family would sit shiva for 7 days. This is no small request of a family that tolerates each other best in small doses, and issues most certainly arise. In the midst of the Foxmans' typical -- and atypical -- sibling drama, Judd's soon-to-be-ex-wife arrives with an announcement that further throws him for a loop.Sounds like a laugh a minute, right? And yet, this book is hilarious. I was reading sections aloud to my husband in the first five pages. From Judd's discovery of his wife's adultery to their mother's wildly inappropriate conversational topics to his efforts to defuse the good-intentioned matchmaking of shiva callers with eligible daughters to the family's attendance at temple, there are some laugh out loud moments. At the same time, it's really a touching book and a great look at their complicated family dynamics. I won't tell you how it ends, but I can tell you that, like in real life, there's always more to the story than the characters see from their side of the conflict.
Well worth reading. And of course, if you do read it, come back and tell me what you thought.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
"I'm easy" giveaway
I recently reviewed The Extra Mile, by Pam Reed, on my book blog. I don't think I'll be reading it again, and I'm trying to keep the amount of stuff in our house to a minimum, so I thought I'd give it away. Yes, perhaps I should have learned my lesson about giving it away in college, but apparently I haven't. Lucky you. :)
To enter into the giveaway, here's what you do:
In a week or so, I'll randomly choose a winner, and eventually I'll get the book sent to you. ("Eventually" because, in addition to being easy, I'm lazy.)
To enter into the giveaway, here's what you do:
- * Comment and let me know you want it.
In a week or so, I'll randomly choose a winner, and eventually I'll get the book sent to you. ("Eventually" because, in addition to being easy, I'm lazy.)
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Book review: The Extra Mile by Pam Reed
I think I had peripherally heard of Pam Reed, possibly in Born to Run, but I wouldn't have thought to read about her if I hadn't gotten this book as a Valentine's Day present from my husband. If he'd really thought about what he was doing, he would never have picked it up because the more I read about longer races the more I think, Maybe.....
In this memoir, Reed touches on her upbringing and competitive history, including cheerleading and college tennis. She doesn't shy away from the more controversial aspects of her life. She talks matter-of-factly about her struggle with anorexia, although in the book it isn't presented so much as a struggle as it is a quirk, and she is upfront about the way that he second (current) marriage started as an affair.
Of course, the meat of the book recounts Reed's emergence as a top ultrarunner, notably her surprising first win at Badwater in 2002. Much of the book recounts her participation in marathons, ultramarathons, and 24- and 48-hour races, but she also takes the time to talk in depth about the sacrifices of her crew and just what it means to crew for an ultra. She writes about balancing a family and a running career, and she seems very passionate about increasing women's participation in endurance sports.
While Pam Reed's story is one of amazing accomplishments, her book is not a particularly compelling one. In school, my teachers always emphasized Show, don't tell, and I think this is one of the book's failings. As I said above, it seems very honest and matter-of-fact, but it's just her telling you about her life. The experience of reading the book wasn't one of being there. I can't help but compare it to Born to Run (granted, a very different book), which was fascinating. I felt like I was there. Moreover, it made me want to throw away my running shoes and run barefoot to Mexico. Reed's book, on the other hand, didn't inspire me to do anything more than finish so I could move on to something more interesting.
In this memoir, Reed touches on her upbringing and competitive history, including cheerleading and college tennis. She doesn't shy away from the more controversial aspects of her life. She talks matter-of-factly about her struggle with anorexia, although in the book it isn't presented so much as a struggle as it is a quirk, and she is upfront about the way that he second (current) marriage started as an affair.
Of course, the meat of the book recounts Reed's emergence as a top ultrarunner, notably her surprising first win at Badwater in 2002. Much of the book recounts her participation in marathons, ultramarathons, and 24- and 48-hour races, but she also takes the time to talk in depth about the sacrifices of her crew and just what it means to crew for an ultra. She writes about balancing a family and a running career, and she seems very passionate about increasing women's participation in endurance sports.
While Pam Reed's story is one of amazing accomplishments, her book is not a particularly compelling one. In school, my teachers always emphasized Show, don't tell, and I think this is one of the book's failings. As I said above, it seems very honest and matter-of-fact, but it's just her telling you about her life. The experience of reading the book wasn't one of being there. I can't help but compare it to Born to Run (granted, a very different book), which was fascinating. I felt like I was there. Moreover, it made me want to throw away my running shoes and run barefoot to Mexico. Reed's book, on the other hand, didn't inspire me to do anything more than finish so I could move on to something more interesting.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Flashback book review: The Pillars of the Earth
I actually read and reviewed this back in October of 2008, but I'm still in the middle of a couple of books. Not having anything new to post, here's one that's highly recommended reading. I loved this book. Read. Enjoy. Come back to talk about it. :)
The Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett
My rating: 4 of 5 stars
This book has it all. History, architecture, mystery, characters you care about, an interesting plot, and characters you love to hate! And, in almost 1,000 pages, Ken Follett has plenty of space to develop all of the above.
Pillars of the Earth is a sweeping epic, covering decades of English history as it follows several characters and their efforts to build--or stop the building of--a church at Kingsbridge Priory, a monastary in England during the Civil Wars of the 1100s. It's an interesting look at why and how great churches were build in those times, a peek into ways of life very different from most of ours (a monastary, the poor family of a master builder, a king fighting to keep his throne, and a nobleman who'll do anything to increase his power and standing), and a frightening glimpse at what life could be like for ordinary citizens when the powerful people around them were limited only by their own consciences (or, often, lack thereof).
The book may be long, but it is very readable...and you won't want to put it down until you get to the resolution.
View all my reviews
The Pillars of the Earth by Ken FollettMy rating: 4 of 5 stars
This book has it all. History, architecture, mystery, characters you care about, an interesting plot, and characters you love to hate! And, in almost 1,000 pages, Ken Follett has plenty of space to develop all of the above.
Pillars of the Earth is a sweeping epic, covering decades of English history as it follows several characters and their efforts to build--or stop the building of--a church at Kingsbridge Priory, a monastary in England during the Civil Wars of the 1100s. It's an interesting look at why and how great churches were build in those times, a peek into ways of life very different from most of ours (a monastary, the poor family of a master builder, a king fighting to keep his throne, and a nobleman who'll do anything to increase his power and standing), and a frightening glimpse at what life could be like for ordinary citizens when the powerful people around them were limited only by their own consciences (or, often, lack thereof).
The book may be long, but it is very readable...and you won't want to put it down until you get to the resolution.
View all my reviews
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Thoughts on Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother
I will confess that I picked up this book with preconceived notions and the knowledge that it would infuriate me. I fully expected to spend the entire book arguing with the author because her parenting strategy is very different from mine. On the first page, Chua writes, "This was supposed to be a story of how Chinese parents are better at raising kids than Western ones." And I planned to beg to differ.
First, Chua notes that a "Chinese mother" need not necessarily be Chinese or a mother: "I recently met a supersuccessful white guy from South Dakota...and after comparing notes we decided that his working-class father had definitely been a Chinese mother....Conversely, I know some mothers of Chinese heritage, almost always born in the West, who are not Chinese mothers." She also posits that Western parents are a very diverse group and that the term isn't to refer to every parent of non-Chinese descent but just as a generalization. (4)
Here are some of the things that Chua attributes to her ability to raise "stereotypically successful kids". Here children were never allowed to "attend a sleepover, have a playdate, be in a school play, watch TV or play computer games, choose their own extracurricular activities, get any grade less than an A, not be the #1 student in every subject except gym and drama, play any instrument other than piano or violin, not play the piano or violin" (3-4). Despite the fact that some might compare the "typical American sports parent" and their sometimes blind pursuit of their child's athletic success with Chinese parents, Chua says they are completely different:
Unlike your typical Western overscheduling soccer mom, the Chinese mother believes that (1) schoolwork always comes first; (2) an A-minus is a bad grade; (3) your children must be two years ahead of their classmates in math; (4) you must never compliment your children in public; (5) if your child ever disagrees with a teacher or coach, you must always take the side of the teacher or coach; (6) the only activities your children should be permitted to do are those in which they can eventually win a medal; and (7) that medal must be gold. (5)
To which I say, seriously?? We like to think that we put schoolwork first, and my first instinct is always to side with the teacher/coach. As far as the others, though, that's not me. I have one son who's very successful academically and one who's very successful in athletics. My youngest is seven, and school comes easily to him as well. On Chua's "never" list, however, we hit every single mark. My kids have had sleepovers and playdates; my oldest is heavily involved in his high school's drama and chorus clubs, they are huge fans of TV/video games, and they choose their own activities. One of my children is, unfortunately, well acquainted with the lower ranges of the grading scale.
Now, I'm not happy about that last item, and I'm not thrilled about the TV/video game thing, either, but I have a hard time seeing that as the end of the world. As far as the grades, my standpoint has always been a) I know he's a smart kid, but he's disorganized. His low grades typically come from missing assignments rather than poor test grades; b) once you are a certain age, I really can't hold your hand and make you do your work; c) it's virtually impossible to find out exactly what assignments my high school children have; d) when/(if!) you go to college, I won't be there to help you so you'd better figure out how to get your work done now.
Unfortunately, Chua pops some holes in my balloon. In response to a friend's question of rather she pushes her daughters for them or for herself, she responds,
...I'm pretty sure that everything I do is unequivocally 100% for my daughters. My main evidence is that so much of what I do with Sophia and Lulu is miserable, exhausting, and not remotely fun for me. It's not easy to make your kids work when they don't want to, to put in grueling hours when your own youth is slipping away, to convince your kids that they can do something when they (and maybe even you) are fearful that they can't.
To be honest, I sometimes wonder if the question...should be asked of Western parents. Sometimes I wake up in the morning dreading what I have to do and thinking how easy it would be to say, "Sure, Lulu, we can skip a day of violin practice." Unlike my Western friends, I can never say, "As much as it kills me, I just have to let my kids make their choices and follow their hearts. It's the hardest thing in the world, but I'm doing my best to hold back." Then they get to have a glass of wine and go to a yoga class, whereas I have to stay home and scream and have my kids hate me. (148)
Ouch. I see so much of myself in that.
Make no mistake: her children did put in grueling hours. Her oldest daughter knew her alphabet at 18 months and excelled in math. "While the other kids were learning to count from 1 to 10 the creative American way--with rods, beads, and cones--I taught Sophia addition, subtraction, multiplication, division, fractions, and decimals the rote Chinese way." (7) At three, Sophia began taking piano lessons using the Suzuki method and began excelling. As the parent was required to be at the lesson, Chua was there each time and then practiced with her daughter ninety minutes a day...unless it was a lesson day, when they practiced twice that long.
What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America. Once the child starts to excel at something--whether it's math, piano, pitching, or ballet--he or she gets praise, admiration, and satisfaction. (29)
Chua's participation is something I noted, too. She expected more of herself than of her children. This is a big difference from how I was with my older boys. She was there at the lesson; I dropped one off at soccer practice, brought the other to practice, studied til practice was over, and then picked them up. She was there as her older daughter practiced piano and, later, as her younger daughter practiced violin; I told my kids to go practice, and if they didn't, it was on them. In addition to her career as a Yale law professor and author, she put in a full day's work attending lessons and being right there as her daughters practiced. And getting them to practice wasn't always an easy task. She admits that a lot of screaming and threatening went on in their house ("If the next time's not PERFECT, I'm going to TAKE ALL YOUR STUFFED ANIMALS AND BURN THEM!" "Oh, my God, you're just getting worse and worse.")
She admits,
In retrospect, these coaching suggestions seem a bit extreme. On the other hand, they were highly effective. Sophia and I were a great mother-daughter fit. I had the conviction and the tunnel vision drive. Sophia had the maturity, patience, and empathy I should have had, but didn't. She accepted my premise that I knew and wanted what was best for her--and she cut me a break when I was bad-tempered and said hurtful things. (28)
In fact, Sophia later remarks in the book, "Everyone's going to think I was SUBJECTED to Chinese parenting, but I wasn't. I went along with it, by my choice (226). It worked for Sophia, both in the sense that it led to success and that it was a good fit for her. Lulu, on the other hand, didn't thrive in the system. Even as a little girl she rebelled against her mother's authoritarian regime. While Sophia bought into the parental authority, Chua had to bribe, cajole, and threaten her younger daughter on a regular basis. She writes of telling her that she was a terrible daughter and comparing the two girls to each other. While that makes me blanch, her point of view is:
Western parents worry a lot about their child's self-esteem. But, as a parent, one of the worse things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip side, there's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't. (62)
Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they're capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits, and inner confidence that no one can ever take away. (63)
"As I watched American parents slathering praise on their kids for the lowest of tasks--drawing a squiggle or waving a stick--I came to see that Chinese parents have two things over their Western counterparts: (1) higher dreams for their children, and (2) higher regard for their children in knowing how much they can take." (8)
While I don't necessarily agree with the way that she went about it, I can see a lot of truth in all of these statements. How many times do you hear an adult say that they'd stuck with piano lessons? Is it really a matter of honoring your child's choice or is it because you're tired of the fight? That's why we let (made) N quit trombone; he wouldn't practice, I wouldn't lie for him to tell the teacher he did, he got in trouble for not practicing, repeat circle. And probably what it would have taken is for me to sit in there with him and insist that he practiced.
I can see a lot of truth in this, too, as it relates to my running. I say all of the time that if I quit when it started feeling bad I'd never run past the end of my block. Most of the time, running is work. Most of the time, I'm thinking hard about how much longer I "have" to run. Especially on my early morning training runs, we aren't talking about pretty scenery or enjoyable weather (not when it's 20 degrees out with an 8 degree wind chill!). But occasionally, it's wonderful, and when I ran my half marathon, I was able to meet my highest goal for myself. That was an amazing feeling.
On the other hand, my motivation to run is internal. If anyone tried to make me run, it wouldn't go well (just ask my brother). And that's just the situation Chua ran into with Lulu. While Sophia might have protested and fought the system at times, she bought into it. Lulu did not. As a parent, once your children get to a certain age and physical state, the only way we can "make" them do something is when they honor our authority. There is no way for me to physically force my 6'3", 215 pound, linebacker-looking son to clean his room if he doesn't want to; I can tell him, bribe him, or threaten him with some kind of punishment, but I can't make him do it. What do you do, though, when those methods don't work anymore? That's the situation Chua reached with Lulu, and the resolution is interesting, funny, and somewhat satisfying to someone who doesn't subscribe to Chua's methods.
There are so many great quotes in this book and so much more to it than what I wrote here. It really made me think about the decisions I've made as a parent, and while I don't agree with everything she wrote (by a long shot), it's good to examine what you do and why you do it. I think that there's a lot that any parent could take away from reading this book. It's a very quick read...I started it the first evening of N's volleyball tournament and finished it the next afternoon. If you have read it or read it, come back and let me know what you thought.
First, Chua notes that a "Chinese mother" need not necessarily be Chinese or a mother: "I recently met a supersuccessful white guy from South Dakota...and after comparing notes we decided that his working-class father had definitely been a Chinese mother....Conversely, I know some mothers of Chinese heritage, almost always born in the West, who are not Chinese mothers." She also posits that Western parents are a very diverse group and that the term isn't to refer to every parent of non-Chinese descent but just as a generalization. (4)
Here are some of the things that Chua attributes to her ability to raise "stereotypically successful kids". Here children were never allowed to "attend a sleepover, have a playdate, be in a school play, watch TV or play computer games, choose their own extracurricular activities, get any grade less than an A, not be the #1 student in every subject except gym and drama, play any instrument other than piano or violin, not play the piano or violin" (3-4). Despite the fact that some might compare the "typical American sports parent" and their sometimes blind pursuit of their child's athletic success with Chinese parents, Chua says they are completely different:
Unlike your typical Western overscheduling soccer mom, the Chinese mother believes that (1) schoolwork always comes first; (2) an A-minus is a bad grade; (3) your children must be two years ahead of their classmates in math; (4) you must never compliment your children in public; (5) if your child ever disagrees with a teacher or coach, you must always take the side of the teacher or coach; (6) the only activities your children should be permitted to do are those in which they can eventually win a medal; and (7) that medal must be gold. (5)
To which I say, seriously?? We like to think that we put schoolwork first, and my first instinct is always to side with the teacher/coach. As far as the others, though, that's not me. I have one son who's very successful academically and one who's very successful in athletics. My youngest is seven, and school comes easily to him as well. On Chua's "never" list, however, we hit every single mark. My kids have had sleepovers and playdates; my oldest is heavily involved in his high school's drama and chorus clubs, they are huge fans of TV/video games, and they choose their own activities. One of my children is, unfortunately, well acquainted with the lower ranges of the grading scale.
Now, I'm not happy about that last item, and I'm not thrilled about the TV/video game thing, either, but I have a hard time seeing that as the end of the world. As far as the grades, my standpoint has always been a) I know he's a smart kid, but he's disorganized. His low grades typically come from missing assignments rather than poor test grades; b) once you are a certain age, I really can't hold your hand and make you do your work; c) it's virtually impossible to find out exactly what assignments my high school children have; d) when/(if!) you go to college, I won't be there to help you so you'd better figure out how to get your work done now.
Unfortunately, Chua pops some holes in my balloon. In response to a friend's question of rather she pushes her daughters for them or for herself, she responds,
...I'm pretty sure that everything I do is unequivocally 100% for my daughters. My main evidence is that so much of what I do with Sophia and Lulu is miserable, exhausting, and not remotely fun for me. It's not easy to make your kids work when they don't want to, to put in grueling hours when your own youth is slipping away, to convince your kids that they can do something when they (and maybe even you) are fearful that they can't.
To be honest, I sometimes wonder if the question...should be asked of Western parents. Sometimes I wake up in the morning dreading what I have to do and thinking how easy it would be to say, "Sure, Lulu, we can skip a day of violin practice." Unlike my Western friends, I can never say, "As much as it kills me, I just have to let my kids make their choices and follow their hearts. It's the hardest thing in the world, but I'm doing my best to hold back." Then they get to have a glass of wine and go to a yoga class, whereas I have to stay home and scream and have my kids hate me. (148)
Ouch. I see so much of myself in that.
Make no mistake: her children did put in grueling hours. Her oldest daughter knew her alphabet at 18 months and excelled in math. "While the other kids were learning to count from 1 to 10 the creative American way--with rods, beads, and cones--I taught Sophia addition, subtraction, multiplication, division, fractions, and decimals the rote Chinese way." (7) At three, Sophia began taking piano lessons using the Suzuki method and began excelling. As the parent was required to be at the lesson, Chua was there each time and then practiced with her daughter ninety minutes a day...unless it was a lesson day, when they practiced twice that long.
What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America. Once the child starts to excel at something--whether it's math, piano, pitching, or ballet--he or she gets praise, admiration, and satisfaction. (29)
Chua's participation is something I noted, too. She expected more of herself than of her children. This is a big difference from how I was with my older boys. She was there at the lesson; I dropped one off at soccer practice, brought the other to practice, studied til practice was over, and then picked them up. She was there as her older daughter practiced piano and, later, as her younger daughter practiced violin; I told my kids to go practice, and if they didn't, it was on them. In addition to her career as a Yale law professor and author, she put in a full day's work attending lessons and being right there as her daughters practiced. And getting them to practice wasn't always an easy task. She admits that a lot of screaming and threatening went on in their house ("If the next time's not PERFECT, I'm going to TAKE ALL YOUR STUFFED ANIMALS AND BURN THEM!" "Oh, my God, you're just getting worse and worse.")
She admits,
In retrospect, these coaching suggestions seem a bit extreme. On the other hand, they were highly effective. Sophia and I were a great mother-daughter fit. I had the conviction and the tunnel vision drive. Sophia had the maturity, patience, and empathy I should have had, but didn't. She accepted my premise that I knew and wanted what was best for her--and she cut me a break when I was bad-tempered and said hurtful things. (28)
In fact, Sophia later remarks in the book, "Everyone's going to think I was SUBJECTED to Chinese parenting, but I wasn't. I went along with it, by my choice (226). It worked for Sophia, both in the sense that it led to success and that it was a good fit for her. Lulu, on the other hand, didn't thrive in the system. Even as a little girl she rebelled against her mother's authoritarian regime. While Sophia bought into the parental authority, Chua had to bribe, cajole, and threaten her younger daughter on a regular basis. She writes of telling her that she was a terrible daughter and comparing the two girls to each other. While that makes me blanch, her point of view is:
Western parents worry a lot about their child's self-esteem. But, as a parent, one of the worse things you can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip side, there's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can do something you thought you couldn't. (62)
Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they're capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits, and inner confidence that no one can ever take away. (63)
"As I watched American parents slathering praise on their kids for the lowest of tasks--drawing a squiggle or waving a stick--I came to see that Chinese parents have two things over their Western counterparts: (1) higher dreams for their children, and (2) higher regard for their children in knowing how much they can take." (8)
While I don't necessarily agree with the way that she went about it, I can see a lot of truth in all of these statements. How many times do you hear an adult say that they'd stuck with piano lessons? Is it really a matter of honoring your child's choice or is it because you're tired of the fight? That's why we let (made) N quit trombone; he wouldn't practice, I wouldn't lie for him to tell the teacher he did, he got in trouble for not practicing, repeat circle. And probably what it would have taken is for me to sit in there with him and insist that he practiced.
I can see a lot of truth in this, too, as it relates to my running. I say all of the time that if I quit when it started feeling bad I'd never run past the end of my block. Most of the time, running is work. Most of the time, I'm thinking hard about how much longer I "have" to run. Especially on my early morning training runs, we aren't talking about pretty scenery or enjoyable weather (not when it's 20 degrees out with an 8 degree wind chill!). But occasionally, it's wonderful, and when I ran my half marathon, I was able to meet my highest goal for myself. That was an amazing feeling.
On the other hand, my motivation to run is internal. If anyone tried to make me run, it wouldn't go well (just ask my brother). And that's just the situation Chua ran into with Lulu. While Sophia might have protested and fought the system at times, she bought into it. Lulu did not. As a parent, once your children get to a certain age and physical state, the only way we can "make" them do something is when they honor our authority. There is no way for me to physically force my 6'3", 215 pound, linebacker-looking son to clean his room if he doesn't want to; I can tell him, bribe him, or threaten him with some kind of punishment, but I can't make him do it. What do you do, though, when those methods don't work anymore? That's the situation Chua reached with Lulu, and the resolution is interesting, funny, and somewhat satisfying to someone who doesn't subscribe to Chua's methods.
There are so many great quotes in this book and so much more to it than what I wrote here. It really made me think about the decisions I've made as a parent, and while I don't agree with everything she wrote (by a long shot), it's good to examine what you do and why you do it. I think that there's a lot that any parent could take away from reading this book. It's a very quick read...I started it the first evening of N's volleyball tournament and finished it the next afternoon. If you have read it or read it, come back and let me know what you thought.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Book review: The Zookeeper's Wife: A War Story
I picked up The Zookeeper's Wife at Target as an impulse buy since I needed something to kill the time between matches at N's volleyball tournament a couple weeks ago. The blurb on the back bills it as the amazing story of how two Gentile Polish zookeepers "managed to save over three hundred people from the Nazis by hiding refugees in the empty animal cages".
While the title centers on Jan and Antonina Zabinski, the keepers of the Warsaw Zoo, the book is really the story of how many Polish citizens risked their lives to save their Jewish friends and neighbors. While in the past I've read a lot about WWII and the Nazis, I don't remember ever reading much about the occupation of Poland or the Polish resistance. It's really an incredible story, and the people described are so much whom I would want to be if I was ever in such a situation. It's hard to imagine the courage necessary the courage it must have taken to defy the Nazis, at risk of not only their own lives but their children's. One scene, in particular, where Jan and Antonina's son is threatened by Nazi soldiers, is absolutely chilling.
This is a book that inspires you and renews your faith in humanity. It's a great story...but it isn't a great story. That is, it's a non-fiction work. Because it's written as history, the narration leads to a certain distance from the events of the book. That probably made it easier to read, but it also kept me from feeling the kind of connection I would have had with the characters if it had been written from a closer point of view. I bought the book under the impression that it was based on history; that is, I expected it to read more like a work of fiction. I found the style (for example, reporting what Antonina wrote about something in her diary rather than having the character Antonina tell something) very distracting until, towards the end off the book, I happened to finally notice the back of the book where it said, plain as day, "HISTORY/WWII". D'oh.
Pick this one up. You'll be amazed, inspired, and probably want to dig deeper into her sources to read more about these incredible people. I know I do.
While the title centers on Jan and Antonina Zabinski, the keepers of the Warsaw Zoo, the book is really the story of how many Polish citizens risked their lives to save their Jewish friends and neighbors. While in the past I've read a lot about WWII and the Nazis, I don't remember ever reading much about the occupation of Poland or the Polish resistance. It's really an incredible story, and the people described are so much whom I would want to be if I was ever in such a situation. It's hard to imagine the courage necessary the courage it must have taken to defy the Nazis, at risk of not only their own lives but their children's. One scene, in particular, where Jan and Antonina's son is threatened by Nazi soldiers, is absolutely chilling.
This is a book that inspires you and renews your faith in humanity. It's a great story...but it isn't a great story. That is, it's a non-fiction work. Because it's written as history, the narration leads to a certain distance from the events of the book. That probably made it easier to read, but it also kept me from feeling the kind of connection I would have had with the characters if it had been written from a closer point of view. I bought the book under the impression that it was based on history; that is, I expected it to read more like a work of fiction. I found the style (for example, reporting what Antonina wrote about something in her diary rather than having the character Antonina tell something) very distracting until, towards the end off the book, I happened to finally notice the back of the book where it said, plain as day, "HISTORY/WWII". D'oh.
Pick this one up. You'll be amazed, inspired, and probably want to dig deeper into her sources to read more about these incredible people. I know I do.
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